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100% true horoscope facts


aries: sexually frustrated at everything
taurus: really nice but dead inside
gemini: mostly just hungry
cancer: in the closet but not really
leo: super gay for everyone
virgo: promises not to tell and then tells everyone
libra: lazy assholes like seriously do something with your life
scorpio: i’ve never met one but they’re all jerks
sagittarius: always boning your mom
capricorn: loves everyone but loves themselves more
aquarius: never not killing you
pisces: big booty bitches

As a Pisces, does this mean that I will be ASSOCIATING with ‘big booty bitches,’ or that I am one of that august body myself?

'Cause I already have remarkably child-bearing hips (as dudes go), so…

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